Stuffing or lashing out never helps your pain to fully go away. So what gives? The fact is if it still rears its ugly head, you have an indicator that it has not been dealt with in a healthy manner. All you have done is bury it; gone, out of mind but not out of body or emotions.
Think of a car warning light coming on, same thing. You can ignore it and deny that there is a problem, but the reality is you still have a problem until properly dealt with and then and only then will the indicator light turn off.
Please know that there are both healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with pain. There are several ways to know the difference. The first already mentioned is if it keeps surfacing, know that it has not resolved. Another is if it controls you, such as when you lash out in anger or you go on an eating binge or some other unhealthy coping method. Recognize that your emotions are driving your choices.
The best way to deal with pain, especially the really buried stuff is to give it a voice simply by acknowledging it. Allow yourself to feel your pain pressing it to it and not away from it; like putting a toe in water and getting use to the feeling of it.
Next is to forgive. When you forgive, you severe the invisible cord between you and the other person. This allows you to walk away and get on with life.
Third is to not hurt others or yourself, which in some cases can be really hard because of the high pain levels.
Fourth, get profession help if you can’t get that warning light to stay off. They will be able to help diagnose the real issue and how to resolve the problem.
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