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Chapter 10 - Beat the Pressure and Reach New Heights

 

Why is "Unhealthy Stress Management" an Issue?

As a high-achiever, I didn't always have the luxury of taking a break from the stress of my demanding jobs or lifestyle. Unfortunately, my high work ethic, combined with unhealthy stress management habits, eventually became detrimental to both my health and my success. 

This resulted in increased tension and pressure, negatively affecting my performance and health. I constantly struggled with high stress, anxiety, and depression, with extreme fatigue levels becoming my norm.

The tipping point came at this one particular job that was earmarked with high stress and continual demands. However, this relentless drive came at a cost when n my early 40’s the high stress levels took its toll. Despite my success, health issues forced me to step down from a job that I absolutely loved and had thrived in. 

This health crisis became a stark reminder of the potential consequences of failing to manage my stress effectively. Despite my impressive achievements, being known for my intense work ethic and dedication to my job, my inability to balance my professional responsibilities with personal well-being ultimately forced me to step back from being able to work for over a year.

What I didn’t understand at the time was that every decision that I made was based on a prior belief whether conscious or unconscious. My decisions were not made out of the blue. There was a foundation and a neurological pathway that took them along well-worn paths to what had already been established. 

My unconscious habits, formed from a family upbringing of prioritizing work over play, often overrode my logic and pushed me to work excessively. Without even being aware of these driving forces, it made it difficult for me to take time for healthy stress management techniques to balance my work life. It felt like floating in a canoe without a paddle and being carried downstream by unseen currents that were too strong for me to fight.

So, when I was older, it was just normal to push through my mental and physical weariness. The warning signs were there. I just ignored, minimized, and denied the reality of them. It was like they didn’t exist, so in my mind I was justifying the lack of self-care. 

I pretty much made work my sole priority, telling myself the lie that I would get to self-care later, (things like getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, and having fun with friends, time for relaxation, reading, listening to music, or taking a leisurely walk), but I never did.

These choices tended to show up more when I was feeling overwhelmed and didn't have the time or energy to take care of myself, putting my work ahead of my own health and wellbeing, which had long term had serious consequences for my performance and overall, well being. 

Why did I behave this way? It wasn't random. As I said before, there was a pattern deeply rooted in my brain and emotions. Under great stress, this pattern naturally showed up. This behavior started in my childhood, showing the impact of learned behavior.

To give you some context, I grew up in an agricultural family and getting the job done was always a priority. This helped to instill an excellent work ethic in me, but fun tended to happen after the jobs were finished. 

In the long run this had became both a positive and a negative effect. Even though I excelled beyond the average person in my work, as a swimmer and as a musician, over time this asset turned into a deficit leading to burnout which forced me to quit my job and work on my health issues. 

This pattern of minimizing and denying blinded me to the consequences which could have easily been prevented had I paid attention to the warning signs. Just like ignoring the warnings of a vehicles oil light can lead to expensive repairs, especially if you don't understand the problem, you can deny all you like, but the problem will only get worse over time. it's wiser to fix problems promptly. 

Same with everyone, especially in those high-pressure positions. It comes without saying that everyone knows they should make time for relaxation and self-care, practice healthy stress management techniques, and prioritize their own wellbeing.  Regular, ongoing tune-ups can do a lot towards the prevention of burnout, health crises or a life filled with regrets. 

If I had understood the reasons for my unhealthy choices earlier, I could have made better decisions about my self-care. This understanding could have come from simply comparing my past and present behaviors and seeing if there were any parallels.

For example: one parallel belief was my strong work ethic, and another was the disregarding of emotional and physical exhaustion. A third parallel belief was that it was paramount to achieve my main goal and rest could always come later. These alone should have created red flags for me, but they didn’t because they felt “normal.”

I could have also asked if a healthy balance had been shown by my parents work ethic and how its value was proven. To avoid repeating unhealthy work habits, it was crucial for me to understand these and other signs to better know myself and identify what needed to change.

At first, to comprehend my unbalanced work habits, I didn't focus on "how" to change as it would have overwhelmed me. The "how" would come later. With expert guidance, I learned that I first needed to identify my existing patterns, as I couldn't alter what I didn't acknowledge.

So, back then, if you had asked me whether daily relaxation could lower my stress and improve my performance, I would have agreed. I'd also have concurred that regular self-care like sufficient sleep, healthy eating, and exercise would lessen my stress and enhance my well-being, aiding me to remain calm and focused during stressful times.

The problem was, what I knew in my head was being driven by a polar opposite message residing inside my brain, based on my childhood upbringing. As someone aiming to overcome stress and achieve more, I didn't need logic. I needed to understand the internal factors that prevented me from making healthier decisions so I could take better care of myself.

The same with leaders looking to beat the pressure and reach new heights. Logic and facts are not what is needed to make the right choices. The key to taking care of yourself is the understanding of the internal drivers that stop you from making healthy choices.

Consequences of Unhealthy Stress Management

Making the mistake of "unhealthy stress management" seemed inconsequential at the time, but over time, the fallout from it was more severe than I had ever thought possible. 

My poor stress management practices had a significantly negative effect on my long term mental and physical health, leading to increased levels of depression, anxiety and other neurological issues. 

Moreover, too much stress negatively affected my relationships and job, caused tension, reduced motivation and productivity, which led to the loss of my job. The long-term impact of poorly managed stress was very harmful, until I learned to use healthier methods to improve my choices.

 

Typical Solutions Leaders Try That Don't Work 

Leaders who rely solely on external stress management techniques without altering their brain's neurological pathways will find these methods only provide temporary relief. The stress will reappear because their brain is wired to follow old habits and beliefs.

Understand that relaxation is a short-term relief, not a lasting solution. While external stress management methods can be beneficial, they usually aren't sufficient for teaching the brain to cope with long-term, intense stress in a healthy manner. It's crucial to address the core issue and solve it rather than using a quick fix which doesn’t address root issues.

 

#1 Way to Avoid Repeating This Issue 

Several decades later I came to understand that the #1 way to avoid the issue of unhealthy stress management was to change the pathways in the brain that keep leading towards unhealthy stress management choices. 

I learned to do this through a combination of neurological exercises and the dismantling of unhealthy belief systems. I found this solution to be the best option because it allowed both me and others to not just manage stress in a positive way, it led to permanent changes along with improved physical and mental health.

Practical Tips 

If you're used to handling stress poorly, you can still correct this. Begin by refusing to feel guilty for taking time to relax. You can't enjoy activities if you feel you're not allowed to. Remember, you have the power to give yourself permission, not others.

The use of neurological techniques to handle the stress of a demanding job can be used at any time and place. They only take a moment and can be done before, during, or after work, upon waking up, or before bed.

Have fun trying the following:

1. Turn off your wi-fi at night as well as your cell phone and then put your cell phone in a different room or at minimum, on the other side of the room. Don’t leave it by your head. It will be like sticking your head in a microwave and turning it on, if you do.
2. Take a few minutes each morning to have a glass of healthy water before sipping on the coffee.
3. Practice some visualization exercises before leaving for work, changing the negative stress points of the day into something positive, like being the super hero, or visually pulling down the stressors from a level 10 to a level 2 using a number system.
4. Try stretching your muscles
5. Do some mindful breathing exercises. 
6. Set aside time during your work day for a short walk and some fresh air. 
7. Schedule regular massage or other therapy sessions as a way to relax and recharge. 
8. Unplug from work and technology for at least one hour a day to enjoy some stress-free downtime. Know it is ok to start with less time and build up to the hour. The important thing is to just start.
9. Use long slow strides to walk to meetings, pausing before entering. This way the message your brain gets is that you are not stressed. 
10. By taking several deep breaths throughout the day or even during long presentations, again the brain is getting the message that you are relaxed.
11. Finding someone with the same goals and becoming accountable to them can be helpful. Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. Consider talking to someone like myself as I understand the process, or joining a support group if you're feeling overwhelmed. Getting professional help was one of the best investments I ever made.
12. Additionally, getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and incorporating physical activity into your routine can help you stay energized and sane.

No matter how much stress you're feeling, there are ways to manage it in a healthy way. The key is to start with little steps and become consistent with those. 

Don’t be hard on yourself if you find yourself walking in old patterns, just press the restart button, take a deep breath and learn to become your best cheerleader, just like I had to do.

For more exercises, copy and paste into your browser: https://www.dorothyjcook.com/stress-management-exercises. 

 

#1 Piece of Advice 

Start managing unhealthy stress immediately by addressing emotional factors that hinder healthy choices. Make a change, no matter how small, to learn relaxation techniques. 

Stop making excuses and identify the real issues. Procrastination only worsens the situation by leading to further complications.

Try finding activities that work for you to help reduce stress and take care of yourself. That way you will be better equipped to deal with the stress of everyday life.

 

Chapter Summary 

• Figure out the emotional underlying drivers so you can make long term healthy choices.
• Utilize visualization tools to help change the neurological pathways.
• Take frequent breaks from work and engage in activities you enjoy.
• Get enough sleep, eat nutritious meals, and incorporate physical activity.
• Don't be afraid to reach out for help if feeling overwhelmed.
• Practice healthy stress management techniques and learn to relax.
• Consider talking to a great coach, like myself, or joining a support group. If you are ready to fast track and make a small investment, copy and paste into the browser: https://www.dorothyjcook.com/offers/cqKCZ5J9. 

 

Failing to make wise decisions can have serious consequences, so let's look at how we can make better decisions in the next chapter.

 

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