Introduction

The most effective way to move towards embracing success and avoiding the fear of failure is to learn to effectively deal with your emotional triggers. By doing this you help your brain to develop new neurological pathways, which in turn allows you to react in healthier ways.

What choices are you making?

Start by looking at the choices you are making. Are these choices benefiting you or holding you back? Are they stalling you out by making you shut down even more? Your answers will tell the story. Don't minimize or ignore them, for now just accept them as facts.

Next, work at becoming an impartial referee.

The starting place for this is to make the decision not to judge your actions as either good nor bad.

They just are. 

Keep track of the number of times that you struggle with fear, even low level. Use a simple numbering system, like a referee keeping score. Then as you go throughout your day, make note of when thoughts come into your mind that distract you and take you off task.

As a starting point, look for things like: being concerned about what other people think, doubting yourself to do the job, lowering your expectations, avoiding, procrastinating, denying, minimizing and being afraid to disappoint others. This list is in no way comprehensive, so add to it as things come to mind.

As you recognize a response that you want to change, use the numbering system you've created to check off what you believe applies to yourself and keep your emotions in check. In this exercise you are just going to take time to recognize the indicators, nothing else.

At the end of the day, whether you end up having a lot or a little, pat yourself on your back and congratulate yourself for even being willing to take an honest assessment of yourself, because...

You cannot change what you are unwilling to see.

Make sure to become your best cheerleader, not your worst critic.

It is important to never carry over your numbers to the next day because every day is a new day and you want to start with a slate clean. It will also emotionally pull you down if you carry them over, so purpose not to do that.

Recognize that both success and failure can create strong emotions, both of which are important to the learning process. In an impartial position, your job is to look for the clues that are the keys to living a less fearful life.

Next, take a deep breath, relax and give yourself permission to interact with yourself with compassion, acceptance, a hug, a quiet voice of understanding, and then...a distraction.

It is important to not stay focused on the point of fear or discomfort.

Just make note of it as an impartial referee and then move on.

Because you are very used to getting things done, are highly gifted and extremely hard on yourself, your thoughts such as “You should be able to get your act together, this is child’s play!”, plus a few other choice put downs will need to stop. Judgment only helps to derail your logical thought process and puts you into the fearful part of your brain.

Understand that there is good reason for your brain to keep playing the fearful messages inside your head and it is because of the negative reinforcement system you and others in your life have helped to create. With your brain only doing what it has been preprogrammed to do.

Focus on becoming part of the solution and not part of the problem..

Once you recognize that a negative putdown is happening inside your mind, replace it with a neutral, non related phrase like “the grass is green” or "the sky is blue." This helps your brain to not recognize it as a put-down, which  allows you to move on and not stay stuck. 

To end this exercise, purpose to tell yourself something good. Often the opposite of the negative is what is needed. So, go ahead, have fun, and learn not to be so hard on yourself.

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